IN WHAT WAYS DO PEOPLE CHANGE OVER THE YEARS?

AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE SHORT CHAPTERS
by Portia Nelson
I
I walk, down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in
I am lost.... I am helpless
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again
I can't believe I am in the same place but, it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
III
I walk down the same street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there.'
I still fall in.... it's a habit, my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
V
I walk down another street.


The poet says it very well. Many times people do the same mistakes, even though they know this will hurt them. Why? What makes change so difficult?
Things that are learned early in life are the hardest to change or unlearn. Early conceptions of the world, even if lost to consciousness, remain a part of our memory and may influence our behaviors in some very interesting ways.
Children attempt to explain and make sense of their world in terms of their experience. By the very nature of their limited number of years, their experience is not very wide or deep. Their interpretations of the world, why things happen, is extremely limited and often very inaccurate. Nevertheless, these early interpretations are often the groundwork upon which later, more accurate and sophisticated explanations are based.
Exposed to poor or destructive parenting, a child is likely to explain the mistreatment as being deserved due to some lack, deficit or badness within him/herself. In other words, if someone has to be the bad or undeserving, the child is inclined to take the negative self-view on him/herself. In this way a child protects his parents; they are kept perfect. It is not that t